ARE WE REALLY THE UNHAPPIEST GENERATION AND CAN WE SOLVE IT?

Research suggests younger people are generally less happy than their counterparts, due to being accustomed to life through the lens of social media. With little data showing the overall benefits of online media sharing platforms, quality of life for younger generations has shown a decline in the last decade, dubbed the ‘equivalent to a midlife crisis’.

In 2018, a new index looking into people’s wellbeing identified a lack of personal and social connection between young adults aged 20 - 29 year old towards their friends and family, far more so than previous generations (overall wellbeing declined by 10%).

Since the COVID-19 global pandemic in 2020 forced everyone to seek out connections online while being confined to their homes for almost two years and two lockdowns; social interactions changed, many deciding to work from home indefinitely, or pack up and travel the world, some even switching careers in the hunt for self-fulfillment.

In turn, the idea of community declined, with clubs, groups and ‘third spaces’ disbanding forever(a.k.a. third spaces being different social surroundings outside of home and workplace settings - Blockbuster before the birth of Netflix comes to mind, or your local bowling alley, book shop, coffee hangout, breakfast bar, and sports centre).

This is where the idea of ‘nostalgic for childhood experiences’ intertwines with modern-day life. Creating a community takes time and energy, consistency and enjoyment. The days of asking your neighbour for a cup of sugar, or to watch your kids as you go on your daily errands run seems very furlong. Sharing ideas, experiences and feeling a sense of acceptance is what we all crave and need in order to improve our mental wellbeing.

20-something’s moving to a new city for the first time, a new family relocating to a small remote town outside of their busy hustle and bustle city, and an elderly couple deciding to take their first trip abroad in years, all have one thing in common; they are entering a season of discomfort and change. This can be exciting, filled with much potential to grow and evolve as human beings, however it can also be daunting, anxiety-inducing and frightening.

One of the reasons we stay in unhappy environments, wishing for new horizons of fulfillment but never actually getting to achieve it, is because we prefer comfort, and less anxiety-inducing non-chaotic lives.

Turning our attention to the compounding impacts of high social media usage, research indicates the dramatic increase in online interconnection has also added a layer of discomfort to existing traits in younger people exhibiting perfectionist habits, comparing lives to those of peers including success and failures, alongside envy and jealousy sprouting from wanting a sense of belonging, but lacking the tools to follow through.

There is also the argument that mindset and cultural shifts in generations have been wreaking havoc on worker-mentality in the last few years as Gen Z and Millennials collaborate more together, not always having the desired outcome, rendering corporate life a thing of the past.

AFRG explored this in the blog Gen Alpha - Cyber Security Awareness discussing how this new generation is considered to be evolving at a fast pace, exhibiting characteristics including inquisitiveness, assertiveness, free thinking, and a desire to push the boundaries of technology, and knowledge. Striving towards entrepreneurial mindsets in future will defer to aspirations for starting multiple streams of income outside of the corporate world, and ‘being your own boss’, a trend set to skyrocket the industry in as little as 4-5 years.

Lack of strong bonds in the workplace between colleagues and team members can create challenges when thinking about getting ahead, moving up the corporate ladder and making gains in the promotion space. This can cause unhappiness, further exacerbated by seeing peers on social media launch their own successful businesses, side hustles and exciting new ventures.

WHAT CAN WE DO TO SOLVE THe unhappiness problem?

• Limit screen time, set a timer if you need to, but make sure to monitor social media usage and the eventuality of pointless scrolling through videos and unwanted content, that can increase levels of harmful dopamine and anxiety. It can also be worth keeping a log of each time you feel certain negative emotions when scrolling, and try your best to switch up your content viewership. For example, resetting the algorithm on Instagram and TikTok, and only choosing specific accounts you like to see content from can be a way to minimise adversity. However, it is also important to champion other people’s successes in life, as a way to push you into your own success, believing it can happen to anyone.

• Self care comes in many forms. For AFRG’s founder, self care means having a strong morning routine. This usually consists of exercise, showering, breakfast and saying three daily mantras written down in her journal. The point here is, self care doesn’t need to be a page long ‘to do list’ everyday, it should be creative, fun, easy, and tailored to your needs. Notice how phone usage is not incorporated into the founder’s morning routine, that’s because Alexandra chooses to not log into any platforms until the routine is done and it is time to check-in with her community (around 8:30am).

• Clear your thoughts, and start setting life goals. This can be super tricky because if you don’t know what you want to get out of your life, writing it down may result in insufficient ideas. The key thing to remember is, it is YOUR life to create however you please, and that means writing down one or two things you’re interested in. For example, creating stronger connections with friends and spending more time with family; or deciding which career path you want to delve deeper into through taking a new course online to expand your learning. Whatever it might be, taking some time to write down your thoughts can start a timeline, directly sending you into your next season of life.

AFRG CLUB GUIDE TO COMMUNITY:

• AFRG NETWORK is a new community created to build long-lasting connections between everyone. The focus is on retail, fashion and cyber security, however AFRG wants to foster innovation, help build careers, and join people together through authentic relationship building.

• Locals - discovery app of events and communities full of inspiring, mindful and entrepreneurial people. Many events are advertised on this platform, including local run clubs, coffee mornings, exhibition groups, networking sessions and fireside chats/workshops diving into specific niches.

• Eventbrite - event marketplace for collaborators and innovators to advertise the latest opportunities for people to come together, sharing mutual interests in a specific topic or field of study.

• Substack - platform for thought sharers, blog writers, combining website features with podcasting/newsletter. AFRG often shares blog posts and handy tips for staying safe online.

• Meetup - find the latest events, join groups, start your own group or club, and connect with like minded people in your local area and beyond.

FAILURE IS YOUR ROAD TO SUCCESS

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions” - Henry G. Bohn’s A Hand-book of Proverbs (1855).

Today, many attribute this phrasing to “The road to success is paved with good intentions”, meaning triumph and success can often be met with challenges and pitfalls, one must overcome in order to truly be deserving of a good life.

“For every successful person in the world there are equally as many failures (maybe more because that's just life)” - LinkedIn article discussing the relationship between success and failure (2021).

“An extraordinary life is one on your terms, both of deep meaning and incredible impact. Driven by the pursuit of excellence and guided by a profound sense of purpose” - Tony Robbins.

Life can be really demanding of us, but one thing is for certain, you have the power to take responsibility for your actions that will contribute to either a successful or average life. Working your way through this blog post, you will understand me, Alexandra F., and all my failures; how rejection in all areas of my life seemingly turned into the best and most empowering journey to self-acceptance I have ever stumbled on.

Getting Educated

I failed a lot at school, I didn’t listen much to teachers, I was always off daydreaming about a good life, happy life, one that filled up my cup and spilled over to everyone else. I used to fantasise about running away a lot, even attempting it a few times. I have now come to realise the mind-numbing urgency to run away was and still is my yearning for freedom from the chains of life that keep us in one place.

Education for me wasn’t an aspect of my youth I particularly enjoyed until I was around 15 - 16 years old, and was allowed to pick a few subjects to study as part of my GCSE’s. I used to love drama, dance, sports, anything that physically got my heart rate beating, endorphins rising and adrenaline pumping.

Today I go running nearly everyday of the week, enjoy swimming and trail walking to new destinations. I have a curious mind that wonders often, in search of stimulation.

My failure with education in my early years was not paying attention to all aspects I needed to. While I did very well at school in the end, I failed my A-levels, and ended up taking a year out of academia before re-entering into higher education, earning a diploma in social science.

This enabled me to study Criminology at University, however I also didn’t get the Bachelor’s degree I wanted, and therefore felt like a failure once again.

I look back and remember the heartache when receiving my final dissertation results, nowhere near the mark I knew I was capable of.

I didn’t know it then, but this failure in particular is the reason I am in the cyber security industry, and the true career I so adore. My failures at University, led me to take the feedback on the chin and go onto study Criminology and gain my Masters degree, to which I excelled and exceeded even my own expectations.

You see, the crazy thing about life is, the answers were right in front of me, staring me blankly in the face, it wasn’t that I couldn’t achieve the degree I knew I was deserving of, it was because I didn’t believe I deserved it.

Even though I dropped out mentally during my Bachelors, I dropped in and remained fully present during my Masters, and it was during these months I learnt about ‘cyber security’, ‘dark web’, ‘Ross Ulbricht’, ‘creator of infamous underground marketplace Silk Road’, and truly fell in love with education.

The title of this section is ‘Getting Educated’. What I mean by that is, you can study and hone your craft for years not really understanding what it all means in the grand scheme of things, or how you fit the mold. Until one day, you decide to go the extra mile for yourself, you take the failure and turn it into success. For me this took a decade of learning and figuring it all out. Had I not taken the leap to study my Masters, despite my below average grades at University and somewhat vacant mindset, I never would have witnessed my true potential and continued to apply this throughout all aspects of my life.

I continue to learn outside of my career, through books, podcasts, conferences and seminars, because honestly whilst education can be accessible to most, it also takes a lifetime of continued fine tuning and ownership to build yourself up through knowledge.

Finding my voice IN MY mid-20’s - is it too late?

In early 2020, like many of us, I watched the news to find out we were entering a nationwide lockdown, as a result of a new virus spreading COVID-19. This lockdown aside from a few opportunities to go outside, meant we were all tucked away in doors for two years. As the world emerged, the aftermath felt quite different, with new talent capitalising on social media, remote working jobs, and heightened technological advancements.

For me, my career in cyber security began, and for the next year I worked fully remote with a threat intelligence company.

All seems pretty great right?

My failure in my mid-20’s is a combination of so many different things (please read navigating your 20’s blog a sprinkle of further insights). I started my career at 24/25, and therefore heavily compared myself to those my age and younger, thinking I should have started sooner, be further along in my career already, have an apartment, travel the world and so forth. I placed a heavy burden on myself to do more and be this extraordinary person. I failed myself because I didn’t see that entering an industry such as cyber security is a skill in itself, it’s no secret that the skills gap for cyber is set to peak at around 3.5M by 2025, we are seriously short of talent and eager learners (more on this in the last chapter - AFRG journey).

This leads me onto my next set of failures, because I didn’t study a STEM subject (a.k.a. Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics), computer science, international relations/geopolitics, or even business, I struggled to find a job that suited me in the first place. I was rejected for about 7 months after my Masters, through a series of online job candidate screenings, telephone interviews, first stage and second stage interviews including set practical tasks to complete. You name it, I just didn’t make the cut. I remember one specific interview, I completely choked, couldn’t get my words out, had to sit online for over an hour with two interviewees and the feedback was terrible, asking ‘are you sure this is the right career for you’. In another interview, I was described as needing ‘a lot of hand holding’ (although I take it on the chin now, I still wonder why this terms was and is used a lot as part of feedback today. When you start a new role, of course you will need guidance and help).

My failures in getting a job in cyber security, pushed me so much harder, I almost got to the point of total resilience, and actually welcomed the rejection in, because 1) I didn’t know any better so wasn’t sure what else to expect, and 2) I still had a tiny bit of hope that it would all turn out okay in the end. I didn’t know it then, but my overwhelming tenacity mixed with a little bit of ego wanted to prove everyone wrong, that I did deserve a seat at the table, and could get a job in the field I so wanted.

After the first few rejections, I started to really focus on the feedback, and championed this going forward, even going a step further and asking for it, whether that be at the end of interviews, or via email correspondence. I needed to know what the ‘experts’ wanted, in order to get hired.

Outcome? I leant the fundamentals of cyber security through self taught study, over the period I was looking for a job (around 6/7 months), and would memorise the job specifications for roles I wanted (mostly entry level cyber security analyst careers). I would make sure that by the time I got into the interview room, I knew 70% of the questions they were going to ask me, that I had hypothetical scenarios / examples to back up my claims (STAR model is great as part of interview prep). Don’t get me wrong, I was still super nervous and somewhat not ready to enter the industry, but I was determined and eager to make it happen.

My final job interview before I landed my FIRST role in threat intelligence went a little something like this.

I went through a recruitment company, and had a first interview, and passed onto the next stage. I will never forget when the recruitment lady rang and asked me if I knew what ‘OSINT’ was (a.k.a open-source intelligence). It is a term I now use almost daily, and means using certain tooling to identify publicly available information online, belonging to a person or organisation.

I again, took my own initiative and learnt about OSINT from online learning material, applying this in my second interview.

I did NOT get the job. I was gutted, and after getting the phone call, sat in a friend’s garden, a very hot summers day in 2021. A week later, as I continued my job hunt, I got THE call. “(company) wants to set up a meeting to discuss a new role they are creating”.

A few days later, I was back in a virtual room unknowingly to me, with my new manager, and they informed me they wanted to give me a shot. I was stunned. After so long, wanting the job/career/life, I was finally given the chance to have it all. And so, my career in cyber security began.

This section has been quite heavy, so many perceived failures throughout my career in the beginning. Not feeling good enough, smart enough, starting too late, lacking knowledge, and getting rejected. Little did I know, each rejection made me stronger, whether at school, University or in my career. Your mind and body know when it is time to give up, and give it one more shot, even if everyone else is telling you to let it go. TRUST your instincts. If I hadn’t, I may never have taken the initiative to teach myself cyber security and get the job I wanted. I would have stayed on the side lines, dreaming and wishing I had tried harder.

Your new life, advanced life, the life you fantasise about is out there waiting for you to take hold of it, but you have to want it, truly desire it and create the building blocks to help you get there. You can have a team behind you, but ultimately it comes down to you, and you alone.

A life worth Living - Journey to AFRG

In the summer of 2023, AFRG(a.k.a. AF’sRetailGuide) was first created by me, a small idea to put all my knowledge of retail, fashion and cyber security on a blog site for anyone and everyone to read. My goal at the time, and still remains the same today, is to offer guidance, and build a community well equipped with knowledge about cyber threat trends and risks within the threat landscape.

AFRG is your go-to source for cutting-edge insights, including topics such as metaverse, and the latest tech trends reshaping retail, providing invaluable tips on cyber security.

For the majority of 2024, I have been offering mentoring and coaching to young professionals similar to myself and the wider public, keen to progress their careers in cyber, tech, and consumer worlds. I love public speaking, and will be venturing down this path A LOT in the latter 2024 - 2025 (I hope to see some of you soon in-person). Ultimately, I want to help, and am without a doubt passionate about the future of cyber security. I want to create a seat at the table for ALL of you, being an advocate for young, rising female and male tech professionals navigating their way through the challenges of a dominated industry.

I will soon be offering mentorship programmes, networking events, and awareness campaigns, working to create opportunities and foster an inclusive environment where women and men can thrive and succeed.

Because you see, as you have made it to this point, you will hopefully understand a little more about me, Alexandra F., founder of AFRG / AF’sRetailGuide, a normal young women, having experienced a hell of a lot of rejection in life already, but never let it stop me in the pursuit of a good life, great life, one that has a purpose and meaning.

I want AFRG to be your home away from home, a sanctuary where you can foster and adopt each other’s ideas. Come as you are and nothing more or less. Be daring, outspoken, crazy, mindful of others, but most importantly be yourself, 100% authentic all the time.

Bonus Section: Scapegoat

**Trigger warning, this section may be hard hitting for anyone having gone through similar family-based experiences and therefore I want to pre-empt just in case.

My ‘failure’ in this section relates to family. The word to me still feels like a taboo. We all have one, born into one circle full of admirers, champions, self-soothing individuals ready to take on the world with us.

What if that isn’t everyone’s reality? For a long time it was mine, unfortunately as I got older and started to become more independent and develop my own sense of self, cracks below the surface began to show, self-soothing turned to self sabotage, little comments made here and there, stares and angered looks until finally I walked away.

I moved to London when I was 26, and have spent the last two years navigating the city, including all its grandiosity. On the outside, I have lived a great life up until now, two degrees, a wonderful corporate job, passionate side hustle that is gaining attraction online, and I am making connections through networking events.

Want to know the truth? The last two years have without a doubt been the most challenging.

I’ve researched over the years broken families, and the word ‘dysfunctional’ remains a familiar tone. You hear musicians and rappers singing about their experiences, even influencers and content creators have recently begun sharing heartwarming videos, so their audiences can tune in and relate.

Bloggers like me also have a responsibility to share real-world experiences to build trust and authenticity with their community. Therefore, I want to divulge my own past, with the hope it might help any of you going through or thinking about taking a similar path.

I am an avid Reddit reader, and through my own experiences of walking away from my family, found myself searching for a community of individuals who have gone through similar experiences.‘Scapegoat’ is a term I came across about a year ago, used within the context where one family member will unknowingly to them take on the role of being everyone’s confidant so to speak. I am naturally empathetic, Pisces is my star sign and therefore I grew up being super introverted, and sensitive to others.

Being on the receiving end of everyone else’s problems didn’t leave much room for my own self improvement, straining relationships as I got older and ultimately neglecting my self in the face of pleasing people. My ‘failure’ is staying in a rubbish situation when I knew it was time to pack up and leave.

Family is a construct we are taught about in school, described as loving, caring, nurturing and so forth. Family means togetherness, but this is not everyone’s reality, so I came to understand through hours of scrolling Google Searches.

Through my own ‘failure’ of staying too long in a family that wasn’t accepting of me as the person I am today, I have come to understand I can’t fix and am not responsible for other people’s emotions. Through emotional intelligence, we should all learn how to regulate and communicate how we feel. I believe walking away gave me back my freedom I longed for my entire life, and so this ‘failure’ actually turned out to be one of my greatest success stories.

I want anyone who is reading this feeling a similar way to know, it is okay to walk away from situations, family and friends that no longer serve you. You deserve to shine bright. Having a different mindset, wanting more than your bloodline and going down your own pathway IS the right decision. No one should feel inferior, unworthy, unlovable, and not good enough for deciding to challenge expectations.

We get one life, one shot to give it all we have got. One chance to wake up and make our dreams come true, succeed in any way we choose, light up rooms with our own unique power. Being 100% authentic in an air filled with adversity may just be the catalyst you need to drive you forward. But remember, a bad day doesn’t equal a bad life, just as the family you’re born into, doesn’t mean you have to stick around if your heart and mind truly believe you are built differently and are ready to achieve greatness.

NETWORKING SOLO

Hello all, I am Alexandra, the founder of AFRG CLUB. I moved to London in the summer of 2022. Now, almost two years later, I am ready to share my top 10 little nuggets of wisdom for attending events solo.

Join AFRG NETWORK to access the full event calendar and put your networking skills to the test!

1. Confidence isn’t everything. Although I consider myself a seasoned professional, having attended hundreds of events, including workshops, presentations, and activity days; the truth is, we are ALL in the same boat. I mean that honestly, I still give myself a pep talk before going it solo, standing in front of the mirror and telling myself why this could be a great opportunity to connect with others even if I don’t feel up to it.

   The answer? Be courageous, fearless, and believe you’re worthy of sitting at any table you want, and if you don’t belong, what stops you from creating your own table / event / community? (AFRG CLUB was dreamt out of my vision to include everyone and provide opportunities for growth across all personalities).

2. Start small. Strike up a conversation with one person in the industry if that is ALL you feel comfortable with at the first event. Same applies to your second, third, fourth or however many events it takes, connect with one person, be present, and remain in the moment.

3. This leads me onto my next point, always go with your GUT. Don’t push yourself to do too much too soon. Just because you attended two events last week, doesn’t mean you need to attend three events the next week and push your limits. Respect your own boundaries, and learn what is worth your time vs what can be savoured for another day. Networking at events will take much of your social battery, you will want to recharge as much as possible. Remember to align with your thoughts, mind and body.

4. Introverts CAN have it all! Before moving to London, I never really went to networking events, and didn’t really mind being the quiet one just listening to conversations and absorbing my environment. I still do that now, it’s my way of acknowledging others, through active listening. BUT… I also introduce myself, strike up a conversation with someone I am sat next to, invite others into my space, and navigate the room. Some of my most cherished connections are people I have met and socialised with. At this point, my body tells me when it’s time to go home, and boy do I listen! (re-read point 3).

5. When one door closes, another opens. I believe in the timing of everything, some events and networking opportunities might feel right but the stars just don’t align. I can’t count the times I have gotten stuck on London underground waiting for the next available tube, or finished work late, or had a personal matter that has limited my availability to attend an event. DON’T panic. If I can’t make an event, I sometimes go a step further and connect with the organisers on LinkedIn, or reach out directly through email to engage conversation that way, and it allows me to stay in the loop for the future.

6. FREE is the key. There are countless events displayed on ticketing apps such as Eventbrite, which I strongly encourage everyone to download and start browsing. I opt for keywords such as ‘retail’, ‘fashion’, ‘technology’, ‘AI’, and ‘cyber security’ to preempt my social calendar on a monthly basis - this also informs AFRG CLUB as well.

7. Inside event revenues, while drinks are ultimately flowing, canapés can be SOMEWHAT sparse, therefore I would recommend opting for a light snack beforehand to avoid disappointment. Our brains need food to function and retain information.

8. YOUR network is your net worth. This is so true for anyone looking to financially benefit from the connections they make. I would avoid the topic of money at events, but having a strategy in place if needed depends on who is attending, and the value this might bring to you and your business can go a long way.

9. Sharing is caring. Don’t be AFRAID to offer your assistance and guidance to others where needed. This means not gatekeeping useful information. If you hear a group discussing a topic that aligns with your expertise and knowledge, join the conversation and add value where possible.

10. This one is for the organisers out there, including myself. Networking can be broken down by goal setting and planning. This is similar to being strategic about who you talk to and spend your time with. If you want to write down what you hope to achieve at events, and track the outcome to see areas for improvement, there is no harm in this.

    My advice overall? Just go for it, be fearless, remove judgement, have fun, let your hair down and most importantly enjoy it. We only get one shot at life, networking can open doors you can only dream of, and put you years ahead in your pathway, whatever that might be so don’t miss out!

NAVIGATING YOUR 20’S

Struggling to navigate your 20's, and not really sure what it all means? AFRG's founder gets down and personal, offering her advice and methods for coping in the modern world.

As I write this blog entry, I sit on my small bite size sofa in my room, while I remind myself that I am very fortunate to live in London, I sometimes lack the self-expression of achievement and enjoyment that life has to offer. It’s not that I don’t feel pride and happiness, we all have a journey to tell, but the daunting reality of being a 20 something can in fact dim even the brightest of stars.

I remember listening to an interview with musician Olivia Roderigo when she released her debut album ‘SOUR’ and described the many intense feelings during writing ‘Driving License’, which went onto to swoon many of our hearts including mine, longing for the nostalgia of first love gone array.

There are also research studies to go alongside assumptions claiming we’re the unhappiest generation with different values and mindsets today. While our mindsets have changed through the generations, I think it’s not so much we want different things than our predecessors, what we yearn for is to be seen, understood, provided a seat at the table and championed.

Prior to sitting on my sofa, I spent the afternoon in Hyde Park, a place I often frequent when my thoughts get too busy even for me to comprehend. I listened to a podcast with author Meg Jay and her book “The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them”, discussing the realities of being 20 and why if we don’t set the groundwork now, it can be harder sometimes later on.

This article is a special one, for all those who have yet to discover their purpose, or if you have like me, but are still trying to navigate what this means going forward….lets figure it out together.

Education:

If you have ever heard me speak on a podcast, or read about my journey in creating AFRG CLUB, you may know that my background isn’t what you would expect from a cyber security expert turned blogger. I studied Criminology and gained two degrees at undergraduate and postgraduate level. The latter achieved during the COVID-19 pandemic; also known as the lost years of our youth. But it wasn’t all bad, I had time to think, I submerged myself into a lot of self-study, learning all about cyber security, the different roles, and how I might want to explore this as a career.

I like to shout it from the rooftops, and think it is so important to understand your primary studies may not be what you stick to later down the road, and THAT IS OKAY. Some people train for years in their chosen field and just know it is the career path they will stick to. I think to have an in-depth insight at such a young age is invaluable, and I applaud anyone who has this mindset.

On the flip side, people who reside in the bucket of exploration like me, may end up figuring out their real dreams and passions a little later in life. The age of 25/26 might seem like prime time for getting to grips with who you want to be, your place in society, and whether your job will be an act of service rather than consumed by a typical 9-5 mindset. However, for me, this was a time where I really felt behind compared to my peers who seemed to have it all figured out, especially my relatively new venture in blogging (almost a year coming up since I put my thoughts on the big screen).

Food for thought, I think some of the best ideas, challenges, and overcoming obstacles naturally take place when you tune into yourself, and after gaining experience in life in all its glory and pain points.

Getting a degree means you can experiment and learn about a topic by immersing yourself for a few years, while you become your ideal self. But never underestimate the power of freedom and thinking differently. It’s okay to change course overtime, our lives by the end will be so varied in skillset, and mindset that our goals shift in line with a completely new vision we haven’t even thought about yet.

Nothing is set in stone, and likewise nothing is off limits. Even if you don’t study a particular topic or even go to University, why not take the extra course, do outsider learning (I learnt the foundations of cyber security by myself and went onto apply it in the workplace), read about a wide-range of subjects and remind yourself that education is all around us, and we have the opportunity to continue being inspired by that; degree or no degree.

What about if you gave yourself a chance to do it right?

People look at their failures as moments in time with no return. What about if you had the chance to do it again and this time get it right? This isn’t to say the first time around you got it wrong, however there are lessons to be had for what we deem as failures, and they turn out to be pretty good life lessons.

I attended a networking event recently and spoke with a woman about public speaking, let’s call her ‘Susan’. Susan told me because she hadn’t done any public speaking for around 8-9 years, the thought of doing it made her nervous, unsure of how to do it right.

I shared my own journey with public speaking to Susan and reminded her that maybe the first time around wasn’t the right time, what if its her time now to explore public speaking, now that she has more experience in life, she could apply all she has learnt in the 8-9 years gap.

My journey with public speaking began 3 years ago, starting with uncontrollable fear of judgement, and an overall lack of self confidence and understanding of what I bring to the table. I had no idea that each time I messed up in a presentation, got too scared to speak, let the fear of failure stop me from progressing, I was actually progressing all along. With each failure to stop the anxiousness I felt, I was getting more aligned with my body’s reaction to public speaking. I just didn’t know that at the time.

Fast forward three years, I welcome the sudden rush I feel before I present, because it shows I care about my life, the moment I am about to enter and that I want the audience to come along with me on the journey I am about to take.

I think giving yourself a chance to do it right means accepting that life happens, we don’t wake up and get to do what we want to do all the time. Sometimes we must do the nitty gritty bits, the unexciting mundane tasks of the day. But if we take a minute to reflect on the challenging times, without regret and instead as a chance to maybe give it another go, try again, what stops you?

Mindset and attitude:

Being your own champion and having the confidence to go it alone while you figure out who you want to be in this world is probably the most challenging part of being a 20 something. This section is for the entrepreneurs and side hustlers out there.

‘Taking the Road Less Travelled’ is my favourite quote, I have it written by the side of my monitor at home, I often paraphrase it in public when discussing my career journey, it is five words I always come back to when I am facing a cross-roads in life. What does it mean? It means having the courage to think outside the box, so much of our 20’s is about fitting in with a certain crowd, following trends, listening to the right music, listening to the right podcast, watching the latest series on Netflix, and tuning into the Hot Girl Summer book club.

Disclaimer: I love doing all these things, BUT I also love thinking freely, having the passion and enthusiasm to say no to places, people and events that no longer serve me, and tune into what I enjoy doing, which is blogging, networking, and public speaking.

We all have our own vices, the most remarkable thing about being a 20 something is you really get a chance to explore all avenues, and build your own creativity. Mindset and attitude for me means being daring, authentic, challenging and having my own set of values that align with my goals.

While I admit, this only really started to take shape for me over the last few years, whichever stage you’re at in your 20’s, know that it is okay to think differently, want different things than your peers and explore multiple avenues outside of your circle.

Providing yourself room to explore:

When I was younger, I used to watch a TV programme called “location, location, location” which focused on couples taking the leap to resettle abroad to another country outside of the UK.

It might sound cliché, but looking back I can’t help but think what about getting to know your own front door first?

Now I know we are talking about a very light hearted scenario where couples are looking to switch up their home lives for a place in the sun…..BUT the same really does apply in life.

Getting to know who you are, where you fit in, and who you want to be matters.

We often teach in public speaking, the power of visualising yourself giving a speech, presentation, or workshop, whatever it might be, and take a minute to close your eyes and think yourself into existence. The same applies long-term, how you see yourself in 6 months, a year, 5 years and so forth will help you to create the building blocks and put in the required effort to think yourself into the present. It will also help you to explore gaps in your own knowledge, and as I mentioned in the beginning, never underestimate the power of continuous learning, and investing in your passion projects.

It’s never too late to explore and try something new. Providing yourself room means you take away space in your mind that maybe would otherwise is telling you no you can’t have it all, your dreams are too big, or you have a good thing going so why would you want anything else? 

Truth is, providing yourself room is hard, you might find out you take up a lot of space and this might not be welcomed by everyone. But if providing yourself room is what it takes to allow yourself to shine brighter than you have ever before, and pursue life on your own terms, surely its worth it?

Breaking up with your thoughts:

Being a 20 something Is not for the faint hearted, it’s hard out here. Living in London has taught me that while the hustle and bustle of the grind never stops….just go to Oxford Street or Leicester Square on a Saturday at noon and you will see why central is not always the most convenient spot to frequent; it is important to take breaks. I am not the biggest advocate for this due to having multiple streams of projects on the go, so a ‘break’ for me is either writing, blogging, attending events on weekends, or trying to read a few book chapters before it’s time to hit the pillow and do it all again the next day.

In all honesty taking a break for people who need stimulation consistently is tough….BUT whatever it is you like to do in your free time, make sure you do it regularly. Giving yourself a break also means checking in with yourself, writing down your to do list and ticking things off once they have been completed, or making sure to congratulate yourself when something goes planned AND most importantly not being too hard on yourself when something doesn’t go the way you wanted it to.

Giving yourself a break doesn’t necessarily have to mean switching off or zoning out which can often in my case lead to procrastination. It really means removing the self-judgment and criticism. We all have it at some point in our lives, but remember the thoughts you think about yourself, if you wouldn’t say them to a friend or family member, colleague or acquaintance then is it really something you should be saying to yourself?

 

Going the extra mile for you:

In a bitter sweet end to this blog (bonus section below), I am going to leave you with my final nuggets of wisdom from my time being a 20 something (I still have a few years left, but it really does feel like I have lived a lifetime in this decade already).

If I have learnt anything over the last few years it is about being present, staying with the hard times and welcoming all of life’s challenges.

Life isn’t always going to give you endless streams of success, but what it is going to give you if you let it, is the opportunity to put your best self forward, climb the tallest mountains (metaphorically speaking), mess it all up one day, and get it right the next, face up to your reality and understand that you have a place here. You get to go the extra mile if you want to. You don’t have to, and it’s okay not to, but if you want and aspire to shine a little brighter, think differently, have purpose and care about the world around you then opportunities will come knocking and it's up to you to be ready when they do.

Going the extra mile for you is open to your own interpretation. For me this means putting in the extra time and effort on the really bad days when I don’t have any motivation in me, but I still try my best and make my peace with the outcome.

Goin the extra mile can mean putting yourself first and giving it a go anyway, after all what have you got to lose?

BONUS:

Saturn Return, Spirituality and Experiencing the ‘Middle Phase’ in Life

For the last year, I have set my phone wallpaper to an image of my younger self (aged no more than 5). This is a trick recommended to people wanting to align their current self and previous self as part of inner child healing. I hadn’t looked at this image in years and came across it in an old photo album of mine lying around.

Nowadays I like many other store endless streams of photos on my phone, so it is quite nostalgic and freeing to still have hard copies of my youth. I am only in my late 20’s, so the idea of ‘youth’ is still very much present, but looking back it amazes me how much time passes.

Saturn Return – normally takes place every 29.5 years, I started to feel this in 2023 after turning 27. For women our frontal cortex has usually fully developed by this time, and to put it bluntly life gets a bit more real. No more faking it until you make it.

To break it down further, Saturn Return means the alignment of planets, with Saturn taking 29.5 years to complete one full orbit around the sun and return to the spot it was first born. Call it life lessons, epiphany, spiritual awakening, or new opportunities to get grounded; but towards the latter part of your 20’s is a time to acknowledge and remove any negative associations and start planting your seeds for the future.

Good news? Once you’re in it, you must eventually come out of it and move on with your life.

Not so good news? Those currently in their Saturn Return like me have until approximately 13 February 2026 until we can breathe a sweet sense of relief.

Becoming more attuned to life and yourself means ultimately letting go of the version you thought it would play out to be, and aligning with what is actually going on for you. For example, If your friends are no longer serving your purpose, and thus you no longer provide them with what they need to grow, should you both stick around or give each other a break, and does this mean forever? Likewise, if you are thinking about making a career change, but are unsure what the road ahead looks like, should you dive in feet first and figure it out along the way, or stay where you are and risk future regret?

Otherwise known as ‘the middle phase’, this part of your journey can be characterised by exploring ways to cope with inner emotional confusion and finding a new meaning. As I have mentioned throughout, a shift in emotions, mindset and values can be expected as you take on new responsibilities and priorities. This can be a time of personal growth and self-discovery, creating a sense of disconnect with peers and life around you.

My advice? Stick with it, whatever your situation, it is happening FOR YOU and not to you.

MET GALA 2024

This year’s Met Gala dress code is “The Garden of Time” and florals / colour motifs are in (inspired by a short story by JG Ballard, also known for critically acclaimed ‘Empire of the Sun’). The story details Count Axel, his Countess, and their dwindling garden as an angry mob descends on their peaceful home and nursery of crystalline flowers.

What We Know:

The Meta Gala will take place on Monday 6th May, 2024, with the theme “Sleeping beauties: Reawakening Fashion” - showcasing items (estimated at 50) ranging from a 17th-century Elizabethan-era English bodice through to 21st-century acquisitions by designers including Conner Ives and Stella McCartney on display at the museum.

Co-Chairs:

This year, the co-chairs announced will include Zendaya, Jennifer Lopez, Chris Hemsworth and Bad Bunny, alongside Anna Wintour.

Location and Time:

The Metropolitan Museum of Art

11pm British Summer Time for those in the UK.

Vogue Live Stream

Met Gala Back Story:

The Met Gala has been organised by Anna Wintour since 1995, known as the editor-in-chief of Vogue since 1988. The Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute runs a annual fundraiser for the event, prior to opening up its fashion exhibition. This year’s Met Gala will include some pieces for display afterwards.

Guidelines for Attendee’s:

Restrictions are placed on phone and social media usage during the event, oozing an air of mystery. Only those who are fortunate to score an event can attend, while us mere mortals will have to wait on the side lines for exclusive insights.

Costs:

Thinking of one day attending the Meta Gala, The New York Times projected a single ticket price this year costs USD$75,000, while the cost of a table was at a minimum of USD$350,000. In 2023, the cost was USD $25,000 less for a single ticket.

Social Media:

#METGALA, #metgala2024, and #metlooks will be the hashtags brands focus on this year. The Met Gala is a chance to explore fashion diversity, inclusivity and push the boundaries of fashion and entertainment. Social media awareness and brand alignment will be important.

Currently Trending:

Instagram - #metgala and #metgala2023

LinkedIn - #metgalanostaliga

TikTok - #metgala2024

Twitter / X - #metgala2024

Previous Looks Ahead of The Big Night:

1. Zendaya - 2019 Cinderalla Moment

   Theme:“Camp: Notes on Fashion”

   Source - www.eonline.com/news/1039042/zendaya-loses-her-glass-slipper-in-magical-cinderella-moment-at-the-2019-met-gala

2. Nina Dobrev - 2019 3D glass minidress

   Theme:“Camp: Notes on Fashion”

   Source - www.wwd.com/feature/nina-dobrev-met-gala-2019-glass-dress-1236337634

3. Blake Lively - 2022 Versace Atelier gown

   Theme: “In America: An Anthology of Fashion”

   Source: www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/fashion/fashion-news/a39887968/blake-lively-dress-change-met-gala-2022

4. Kate Moss - 1995 Lemon Yellow Dress Calvin Klein

   Theme: “Haute Couture”

   Source: www.whistles.com/inspiration/fashion-trends/obsessions-9-iconic-met-gala-looks-we-love.html

5. Cher - 1974 Feather Sheer Dress

   Theme: "Romantic and Glamorous Hollywood Design"

   Source: www.businessinsider.com/daring-celebrity-met-gala-dresses-2019-5#in-1974-cher-wore-a-sparkling-sheer-dress-with-feathers-on-the-sleeves-1

6. Rhianna - 2015 Guo Pei yellow coat-dress

   Theme: “China: Through the Looking Glass”

   Source: www.vogue.com/article/rihanna-met-gala-fashion-red-carpet

Pre-Met Fun - King’s Trust Gala 2024:

Many well-known faces are currently in New York City, ahead of tonight’s big showcase.

Pre-party antics included the King’s Trust Gala, hosted 02 May, 2024 at the Casa Cipriani.

In attendance, Emily Ratajkowski oozed glamour with a champagne-colored satin slip and hair styled in an old-Hollywood waves. Kate Moss opted for a low-slung champagne robe, while others dazzled in varying looks!

A surprise performance captivated audiences by Grammy-winner John Legend, and King's Trust Global Ambassadors Lionel Richie and Edward Enninful hosted the event to raise funds.

Pre-Met Gala Dinner:

It was the night before the Met Gala, and some of the elite turned out to attend Vogue editors Anna Wintour’s pre-Met dinner including Zendaya, Jennifer Lopez, and Sienna Miller.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art Spring 2024 Exhibition:

The sensory immersion and participatory elements exhibition will showcase 250 objects from the Museum’s 33,000 piece collection through diverse technologies - curated by Andrew Bolton, on display between 10 May - 02 September, 2024.

As part of The Costumes Institute’s exhibition 2024, “Sleeping Beauties: Reawakening Fashion”, the 250 objects including garments and accessories will be connected visually nature. The idea is visitors will be able to re-experience the garments through how they feel, move, sound, smell and interact when being worn. The term ‘reawakening’ will be made possible through technology.

Vogue details how objects from the collection will be organised into groups relating to three elements: Earth, Air, and Water, each with multiple sub-divisions, such as poppies and daisies, shells and mermaids.

“The show will bring to life the sensory capacities of these masterworks through a wide range of encounters: visitors will be invited to smell the aromatic histories of hats bearing floral motifs; to touch the walls of galleries that will be embossed with the embroidery of select garments; and to experience—via the illusion technique known as Pepper’s ghost—how the “hobble skirt” restricted women’s stride in the early 20th century” - Met Museum Statement.

For example, as reported by Vogue, in the Dior room, a miniature Miss Dior dress from 2014 has been put on display and that remade for “Sleeping Beauties”, alongside a 3D printed plastic model for visitors to touch. 

The Met Gala 2024 - Scenery:

Florals? For Spring? Groundbreaking.

The Met Gala steps transformed into an ethereal green and white, representing this year’s dress code “The Garden of Time”.

Artificial Intelligence (AI) Takes an Artist:

World renowned musician Katy Perry could not attend the event, however re-imagined what it would have been like for her on the red carpet using AI.

Best Dressed Attendees:

1. Zendaya - Ocean blue and green tulle gown with a matching headpiece by designer Maison Margiela

   A second look included a vintage Givenchy black dress from the spring 1996 collection featuring a floral piece, both styled by collaborator Law Roach.

   Source - https://www.independent.co.uk/celebrity-news/zendaya-anna-wintour-maison-margiela-catholicism-jennifer-lopez-b2540611.html

2. Demi Moore - Velvet floral dress by designer Harris Reed

   Reed claimed the dress took more than 5,000 hours to make, adding that it was designed so the flowers would appear to decay as the design flowed further down the dress.

   Source - https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/lifestyle/style/demi-moore-met-gala-2024-1235891577

3. Ariana Grande - Glamour dress by Loewe, including a multi-layered skirt in silk chiffon

   This is said to be a nod to Grande’s latest album ‘Eternal Sunshine’, while the singer and actress made in known on the Vogue Livestream, “I loved the hints of pink and green, for the tie-in to Wicked.” Wicked is Grande’s next film project set to hit theatres globally in November 2024 where she will play Glinda the good witch, alongside co-star Cynthia Erivo who will play Elphaba.

   Source: https://www.vogue.com/article/ariana-grande-brought-iridescent-glamour-to-the-2024-met-gala

4. Gigi Hadid - yellow Rose Gown featuring 3D flowers by designer Thom Browne

   Old Hollywood style was embodied by Gigi at the Met Gala, alongside accessorising with yellow pumps, a diamond necklace and diamond earrings. It is reported that the outer layer’s of the voluminous skirt took a team of 40 people more than 8,500 hours to complete, while the corset dress involved a team of 20 artisans who spent 5,000 hours hand-embroidering 2.8 million micro bugle beads onto the dress.

   Source: https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a60661185/gigi-hadid-red-carpet-photos-met-gala-2024

5. Nicole Kidman - Balenciaga Couture by Demna gown

   Source: https://www.eonline.com/news/1400693/nicole-kidman-unveils-her-most-dramatic-dress-yet-at-2024-met-gala-with-keith-urban

6. Sabrina Carpenter - Strapless blue Oscar de la Renta gown

   Source: https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a60705609/sabrina-carpenter-red-carpet-photos-met-gala-2024

Met Gala After Party:

No rest for the wicked, as Soho House x Porsche lead the way for attendees to part into the early hours.

MEET THE FOUNDER

It all started when I attended University to take my Bachelors degree in ‘Criminology’. I have always been curious about humans and how we think / do what we do. During this time, I was also working as a waitress for many years. I think part of the entrepreneurship spirit is to always be looking for ways to innovate and try something new. Take the road less travelled.

I went on to study ‘Criminology’ at a second University, ultimately gaining my Master’s degree, and falling in love with cyber security. 

One of the first things I learnt about cyber security and cyber crime combined was the dark web. For anyone who isn't familiar with the dark web, it is a decentralised part of the internet that can be accessed via the TOR browser and offers anonymity to users wanting to purchase illegal goods and services. For me, looking back as a young student studying a ‘cyber criminology’ module and learning about the dark web was so exciting, I ended up writing a report about the Silk Road marketplace created by Ross Ulbricht. I was completely fascinated by the journey this person took and watched countless documentaries taking a deep dive into what is still considered today as one of the most illicit marketplaces to ever have been created on the dark web, for the purpose of selling illegal goods and services to users.

Today, I am humbled to be a threat intelligence analyst, a branch of cyber security that involves strategically analysing data, industry trends and collating findings for clients. 

The unique perspectives, skills, and dedication to fulfil my working duties would never of been made possible without having to juggle my own life during studying and working in the hospitality sector. 

These skills have also enabled me to create AFRG CLUB, a community build on ideas, new perspectives, discussions and networking among talents individuals to get conversations flowing about retail, fashion and technology. 

In terms of cyber security impacting retail, fashion, and consumer goods, I’m excited and proud to see organisations taking consumer safety more seriously. The NCSC recently introduced the ‘Product Security and Telecommunications Infrastructure Act’ enabling consumers to identify and purchase smart devices designed to provide protection against cyber attacks, requiring manufacturers to not supply products with default passwords, and retailers asked to hand out leaflets to inform their customers.

As I reflect on my journey, I encourage aspiring entrepreneurs to embrace opportunities and surround themselves with a supportive network. Together,we can overcome challenges, seize possibilities, and make a lasting impact.

My Top 5 Tips for entering the cyber field:

Be persistent and never give up, beginnings are always the most challenging, I should know, it took me a lot of interviews to land my first role. But I never gave in, and took all the feedback on the chin, correcting myself before diving into the recruitment pool.

Understand which area of cyber security you want to be a part of. Cyber security is a broad term, with many teams branching off, including threat intelligence which is the category I fall under. Doing your due diligence and research into careers can be useful, and checking out senior members' experience to identify interests. 

Don’t underestimate the power of networking and connecting on social media platforms such as LinkedIn. I have met so many people in the last few years being in London, and avidly attend events to talk about real-world issues and find solutions.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to working professionals in the field, as always try not to ask about jobs available straight off the bat, but showing a keen interest in their craft, and asking for advice / mentorship can be quite refreshing. I love to speak with those just entering the industry and helping where I can. I am always free for a virtual zoom or in-person coffee for anyone willing.

This leads me onto my next point…never forget where you started, cyber security is a long game and a game changer full of career opportunities just waiting to be explored.